


Taking Risks

by MeganMoonlight



Series: Taking Risks [1]
Category: Stargate Universe
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-05
Updated: 2011-08-05
Packaged: 2017-10-22 06:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/234650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeganMoonlight/pseuds/MeganMoonlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was an addiction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taking Risks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nanuk_dain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanuk_dain/gifts).



Colonel Everett Young was in a difficult personal situation and he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He always thought first of all about the safety of people on Destiny, but when he was in his quarters and alone with his thoughts he couldn’t help pondering on his already almost non-existent personal life, no matter how much he tried. He was angry at himself for letting personal matters compromise a very important part of his job. The thing was, he kept thinking about the scientists on Destiny or, for that matter, about one scientist in particular.  
He knew getting involved with a man like Nicholas Rush would be a bad idea. It was probably one of the worst decisions he could have ever made.

Rush was an incredibly intelligent and smart man, who knew what he wanted and knew what to do to get it. Even if it seemed like he was agreeing on something he usually had his own, different plans already. Young was sure Rush knew more than he let other people believe and even if he couldn’t prove it, he had already learnt to predict what Rush was about to do, even if most of the time he was hard to read. So, yes, Nicholas Rush was a dangerous man. And yet, Young let himself be drawn into Rush’s games.

Every time Young entered the room and Rush was in there too, he could always feel the other man’s eyes on him. He avoided them when he could, but sometimes it was just impossible. It was easier when there were people around them: Eli, Scott, Greer, Camile, all of them somehow always made sure to keep them separated, but it was different when they were all alone. Even if Rush was doing something – anything, really - Young knew Rush’s eyes were focused on him.  
Young thought about what it was between them. The first time Rush caught him in the corridor a couple of weeks ago, he kissed him, after making sure there were not seen by anybody. It was a quick press of lips and Young barely had time to do anything about it. There was no time for any kind of response and when he opened his eyes, Rush was already leaving the corridor, never looking back. Young wasn’t able to sleep that night.

The next day came quickly. Their earlier meeting was forgotten. Mostly. Rush didn’t show any change in their interaction and was barely meeting his eyes, even while talking to him. It was like their kiss had never happened. Even when they were all alone in the room Rush was nothing but professional in explaining to him his new theory about the Ancient’s equipment, even if his eyes kept focusing on him while he talked. Rush was clearly wrapped up in the subject. He was trying to explain everything as clearly as he could, but he talked fast, gesticulating more than usually and his eyes were focused on his notepad almost as much as they were on him. Young of course understood his excitement, every new idea that could bring them back home was welcome.

He was the one who initiated their next kiss a week later. Surprised as he was, he enjoyed it. They were left alone so Young took a chance, pressing their lips together. It wasn’t as quick as the previous one and this time they both had a chance to respond, stepping a little closer. Young broke the kiss and went away, leaving Rush next to the computer. Before leaving the room, in the corner of his eye, he spotted Rush’s confused expression, which quickly changed into his professional scientific look. There was no point in fighting the feeling of satisfaction, so he smiled lightly. He knew he’d like to see the scientist in this state again.

They never mentioned any of their “meetings”, never talked about them and he was glad it didn’t cause any problems. But in time Young started noticing a few subtle changes . Rush was touching him more often, even if still not enough in Young’s opinion. A hand on his back or his shoulder , resting there a little longer than it was necessary, brief looks exchanged in the corridors and gripping forearms from time to time to stop each other. They never made him uncomfortable, not at all. He was just worried. Worried that he had gotten so used to these small touches that he was almost addicted. When some days Rush forgot to touch him in some way, he would always make sure to touch Rush, because he couldn’t help it. There was no way Rush didn’t notice this, of course, he had never tried to hide anything from him, even if it was reckless on his part.

Trying to figure out how it happened was hard, too. He didn’t know how Rush managed to make him… addicted, for the lack of better word to describe his current situation. It was dangerous and he was aware of it. He also knew there were small chances of this weird “arrangement” to last for very long and yet it was hard to imagine what he would do without it. He wasn’t the kind of person who played this way with the others. Problems were to be expected sooner or later and the thought of both of them getting hurt in the process was disturbing, but he was too wrapped up in their relationship already.

***

It was unbelievable how they managed to keep it up for two months without anybody noticing anything. They were so very different, they wanted different things , besides saving the people on Destiny and returning home. Different plans, different ways of thinking, different needs… they didn’t even care about the same things in life. They were barely getting along besides these short secret meetings, and yet Young felt like Rush was the closest person to him, because there was some kind of understanding between them. He liked this certainty and the closeness of a person who, even if only a little, knew what he was thinking. It was unwise to let his defenses down so much around the other man who was able to read him like a book , because he still had problems with reading Rush. But there were times when it wasn’t even important. He just needed somebody to be there for him.

That’s why he ended up in front of Rush’s quarters after midnight. Young wasn’t expecting anything in particular, just the knowledge that Rush was close was enough and he just felt that “visiting” the other man was a good idea. When the door opened and Rush stood right there, wearing his reading glasses and raising one eyebrow, Young wasn’t sure what to say.

“Colonel?” Rush said quietly, looking like he wasn’t even expecting an answer. “May I help you?”

“I…” Young started but he couldn’t form any sentences that would make sense. What was he supposed to say? He felt lonely and spending time together seemed like a good idea? It was ridiculous, even he knew that. Rush just kept waiting patiently.

“Would you like to come in? I believe you have a reason for coming here at this hour.”

Before his brain even registered what was going on he was inside Rush’s quarters, sitting on a chair, with the scientist looking at him curiously.

Another bad idea. He should stop looking back. He planned to get up and leave but his traitorous body wouldn’t cooperate. Instead, he focused on the floor, thinking about how the hell should he explain all of this. He was about to open his mouth when Rush knelt in front of him, looking directly in his eyes.

“I felt…” started Young, but was cut off by Rush’s lips on his.

“You don’t have to say anything, Colonel. I understand,” he murmured before bringing their lips back together.

He spent that night in Rush’s bed. It was definitely one of the most unforgettable nights of his life.

***

The next day was different than he expected and yes, it was surprising. He woke up later than he had planned… wait, actually, he hadn’t planned anything at all. He woke up alone in Rush’s bed. It was still early so he doubted anybody would see him leaving. Any plans to get up were forgotten in the second when he turned his head to the left, focusing on the chair next to the bed. All his clothes were there and he was sure it wasn’t the place he had left them the last time he saw them. So Rush must have found them all and left them on the chair when he got up. The feeling of being naked in somebody else’s bed was weird, especially because it had been so long since it last happened… but it wasn’t just anybody’s bed. Laying in Rush’s bed felt oddly… comforting, in a way. After inhaling one last time the smell of Rush’s pillow he got up, put his clothes on and left the quarters cautiously, as fast as possible.

***

Their working relationship after that night hadn’t changed at all, though he didn’t really know why he expected it to change. They spent less time in each other’s company because of the missions and the series of not serious but tiresome events linked to the gate and the fact that still not everybody on Destiny knew what to do if they were to find the Ancient’s technology by accident.

Rush and Camile started the meeting by suggesting a couple of lectures about the unknown technology when Scott and Greer joined the discussion saying that everybody should learn from their mistakes and they should focus on more important subjects. Eli and Chloe were the only ones who had no opinion on the subject, because they weren’t able to choose sides. Once again he had to decide what to do. At least it wasn’t a hard decision and he didn’t even bother to hide it. The safety of people was most important in this case.

“Camile, you will take care of all the lectures. People will trust you on the subject, because obviously they don’t seem to trust the scientists. Once again we will have to inform everybody about the dangers of touching what they don’t know. If it doesn’t work again, we’ll think of something else. Safety of us all is most important at the moment.”

He got up and thanked everybody for their attention, noticing a less-than-pleased expression on Greer's face who wouldn’t even try to pretend he agreed. Camile and Rush looked pleased with themselves. Before getting up to leave the room as well, Rush turned around for a moment and when their eyes met, Young felt like his stomach was in knots. Not good.

***

They still weren’t spending a lot of time together, and Young didn’t like it. He started to miss Rush’s brief looks and small touches. Sometimes he caught himself staring, searching for Rush in the crowd when he had an opportunity, but there were these painful moments when the eye contact just wasn’t enough. Their meetings were too rare, but every one of them was able to make Young feel so much better. He still had problems with admitting to himself that he really needed this contact. Rush was able to give him exactly what he needed with a couple of simple touches and they didn’t even talk about it. There wasn’t much time for talking. It was like mind reading, some weird kind of connection and sometimes it was really scary, more and more so with time, because it gave Rush another chance to control him. But when he was with Rush he never cared about it. He would think about it afterwards, but when he was by the scientist’s side all his worries disappeared. These were like his personal moments of freedom.

After a particularly hard off-world mission, having lost one person and thinking about all the decisions he would have to make, he wanted to just forget about everything for a moment. He knew pretending everything was okay was never a good option, but he just wanted to spend some time with… somebody, if only for a moment. At first he had thought about TJ, but she was needed in the infirmary almost all the time and she didn’t need anybody else’s problems at the moment. Apart from her, he didn’t know who could just talk to him freely or simply listen. Going to Scott or Eli was definitely a bad idea, Camile would probably still try to analyze him, Chloe would try as hard as she could to make him feel better but he knew it wasn’t what he needed then… but Rush was there. He expected to find the other man working somewhere, like he always did at this hour, so he was a little surprised when Rush was nowhere to be found. He headed to Rush’s quarters . He exhaled softly and for a moment he considered leaving, because if Rush wasn’t working outside his quarters it could mean he didn’t want to see anybody, but his hand wasn’t listening to him anymore. He knocked and after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence the door opened and Rush was looking directly into his eyes.

“Colonel, I have more and more reasons to assume that my quarters are more comfortable than yours,” he said quietly, his lips curling in a soft smile. “Is there something you wanted?”

Young wanted to say “yes”, he really did, even if he knew Rush knew exactly why he came. The smirk on the other man’s face wasn’t what he cared about at the moment. He ended up getting inside the room, not waiting for Rush’s invitation. He waited until the door closed, reached for the other man and without saying anything brought their lips together in a needy, but slow kiss. He felt Rush’s arms around his waist right away so he let his hands rest on the scientist’s neck, one hand stroking all the skin he could find, the other one playing with the other man’s hair.

After that it was all fast and needy, desperate, and passionate. Rush’s bed was warm, he must have been resting when Young knocked, and it was comfortable, too. A pair of hands on his body and warm lips against his were reassuring, almost caring, even if Young wasn’t sure if it was the right word to use at the moment – thinking that Rush cared about him this much was still out of place somehow, but it still brought him what he needed.

After everything, Young cleaned them up and laid down next to the other man, closer than he intended to, but he didn’t care about it at the moment, and it looked like Rush felt the same way, because he didn’t make any move to put more space between them, either. Young planned to stay there, go to sleep with Rush on the other side of the bed and leave in the morning, like before. He turned his head to the side when instead of the pillow his neck met with Rush’s arm curling around his shoulders. He looked up a little, and what he saw in his eyes was only understanding. He didn’t even notice when he had tensed so much, so he relaxed his muscles, exhaled slowly, and covered them both with a blanket. The feeling of strong arms around him was one of the best things he had ever felt. Too good.

“Rush…” he started, avoiding Rush’s eyes, but touching the man’s elbow lightly, kind of holding him in place. His lips were forming the word “Nicholas”, but he had no idea if it would be welcome. He swallowed quietly and opened his mouth again, when Rush’s voice stopped him.

“Let’s just go to sleep.”

Young risked a glance at the scientist’s face and when he saw Rush had closed his eyes, he decided it wouldn’t hurt to look at him for a little while longer. He looked so much more relaxed, comfortable, and also younger. So peaceful. If Rush was aware of him staring, he chose not to respond and Young was thankful for that. It would have been even more embarrassing. Fighting the urge to smile was hard. He closed his eyes and, following the other man’s example, he fell asleep.

***

In the morning he woke up alone once again. His clothes were waiting for him like always. One thing was different this time, though. One detail that made him smile a little. There was a cup of fresh coffee on the table looking very inviting and it seemed like it was still warm. Feeling that maybe Rush cared much more than he made Young believe was… nice, however ridiculous. The coffee tasted good.

Maybe he wasn’t the only one who was addicted to this feeling of their closeness. He still thought it was dangerous, but he also knew that it was hard to win something this good without taking any risks.

**Author's Note:**

> Christmas present for my wonderful [Nanuk-Dain](http://nanuk-dain.livejournal.com/), who is as obsessed with these two as I am! I hope it'll be what you expected, because honestly, this is my first time I was writing for SGU, and I'm very, very, very afraid I get it a little OOC (I really, really, really hope not! But I can't fight this feeling). I really, really hope you'll like it.  
> Also, thanks to my wonderful beta, [Jean-Iris](http://jean-iris.livejournal.com/)
> 
> Also can be found **[*HERE*](http://megan-moonlight.livejournal.com/364429.html#cutid1)**


End file.
